I love who I am

I don't know how I feel today .... the past couple of days has been understandably defined.... Either one pain or another ... but today it is not a pain... just this weird sensations in my body at any given moment ... my stomach feels weird, my chest (lungs); and of course my thinking is all over the place. For those that don't know I had a biopsy of my uterus last Monday and they put me to sleep; that is what the above description is all about. It is crazy I am one of those people that can feel everything. Like slightest tingle; I some times think I can feel my blood moving in my leg. But I can't it is just nerve damage that makes it tingle like that.... they say. Hey you know that putting me to sleep thing kinda freaked me out ..... I ain't gonna lie...... It really did! You know most of my problems are in my body .... like arthritis, bulging disc, muscle spasms; But surgery on my uterus.... look I want to live to be about 102 fo real doe .... I want to drive my great-grand-babies nuts... lol.... so I gotta do what I gotta do to stay healthy. ..... I can't wait to see just how my life plays out. .... lol .... I was just looking back through my Facebook and looking at what it says about me..... I was pleased with what I saw.... I do believe the things that I post on Facebook and I do my best to live by them .... I like who I am. I will be 9 years clean and sober in October .... I love my new life .... do I understand it; no not really ... but I sure love it. Just putting some thoughts to paper .... lol (air)

Grateful

I am grateful to the rooms of recovery AA/CA for the love and for the lack of love that I have received through out the years. My Home-group is the 185 in Altadena, CA. For them I am truly grateful. I have received much love and just enough lack of love to make me stay and learn a lot about ME .... When I first moved out to IE in 2006(Fontana) .... I was treated like a total stranger, an alien, a unwanted creature .... yet I am truly grateful for that too.... for about a year after moving to the IE (Fontana) I still went to Altadena to go to meetings .... I would do one or two out here if I didn't have gas but it was so uneasy .... it just didn't feel natural .... I tried and tried to give it a chance but the more I tried the worst it felt .... So I dug deeper into the Big Book, the 12 n 12 and worked on ME! I am still connected to some people in the rooms but not really the rooms. ... The good thing is it made me grow up and I am no longer addicted to the meetings.... Today I go to meetings out of enjoyment and not desperation. I will never be cured but I am done!

A different kind of sobriety!

*** This was originally posted (6-20-12) to a Blog that I just closed ... but after re-reading it I wanted to save it so here it is. (It is still a big part of me..... controlling myself) A different kind of sobriety! You know there is "sobriety" and then you have SOBRIETY; which is what I call "sober serenity"! You know when you all of a sudden notice that none of the drama is yours.....But, your name and or your kids name gets thrown in to it..... and the police are called ..... and your child's name is thrown into that and lies and different stories being told (like always) and so on...... You know trials are something else..... You wanna beat the brakes out of a person.... but you don't! You can''t! Because you know that you are dealing with a real sick person. This chick really needs to go see a therapist. She lies so much that she forgets which story she told who, so if you pay attention to the trash she talks about everybody ...... including you! Trust me she has talked about EVERYBODY but me, to me. I am soooooo mad right now that i just wanna; ...... i just wanna .......but i won't. I like who I am and I do not have to feed into some one else s bs..... So tonight my sobriety is in NOT FIGHTING!!! Now I so understand my home-girl; she has a sobriety date for FIGHTING; to cool !!! I don't remember how long its been .... but I have not had a fight in a long time..... trying to be to wise for that. .... Don't get me wrong...don't hit me! Journal-in really does help ( hence this blog).... you may not know what this is all about but I do! Just getting it off my mind .... working it out! My Spirit is happy because I was able to contain myself today. My Heavenly Father is probably looking at me and thinking " She barely made it through this one"... "Well done my good and faithful servant"