This blog is to talk about my physical pain as well as my recovery from drugs and alcohol. I have to talk about it here because I can't share it in the meetings. (or I should say "I" don't want to...) I don't want any one to go out because I can do ....what I can do ..... or am doing.
No one knows but my children, because they are here with me. (watching my every move) which is fine with me. Shoot that way I get a little help!.......(But don't get me wrong ......... I stay in touch with my friends and family in recovery.)
I have had problems with pain through out my teen years (never being diagnost or given a reason), then multiple car accidents; and finally after multiple hospital visits and ambulance rides and many test; I was told that I have Spinal Arthritis as well as arthritis in my two hips and left knee(2010). In 2009 I was told that I had it in my hands and fingers. ( I figured that was cracking my knuckles all the time) So I have been fighting this pain thing for a long time. As the different years have passed different stages have shown themselves.
June 2006 was the scariest! My body couldn't even hold itself; I couldn't stand at all. My body had just collapsed, so once again to the hospital I go. I have been back to the hospital many times since then.
In 2010.... Epidural injections and Soma pills.....that's when I really got scared.
I have been always carefully not to take to many pills....I don't want to get hooked.....and I don't like the way they make me feel....some have had made me throw up. I have tried many types of "alternative medicine" in the past; to no avail....(Alot of stuff I have not and will not try..... I google.com everything)
I have tried Sleepy Time tea, St. John's Wort and various ointments. (That's were the record scratches at the meetings)..... some would say that I am in relapse mode...... I do not beleive so! I have not and will not drink or drug ever again....I keep my addiction in check. I love who, what, when, where and why I am! I have an addictive personality and I know that; it is a fact of life for me. I have accepted that fact. I must always pay attention to my thought process and my intentions. I do not use pills on a daily basis (and that is not me trying to justify anything - it is me telling you that I do have to take pills on some days) ..... I only use them when nothing else is working.
My last hospital trip was about 3-4 months ago. .... taken out of my house via amblance I was given a shot of percacet and morphine.....now that was a combination.... That is what I am totally afraid off.....no buddy...I refuse to .... hmmmm just re-thinking about it I need to redirect me. Really tho'!
So this blog is a way of me telling the world and those I love and respect of my recovery and what is really going on with me; adding to my recovery by getting things off my chest through blogging.
To those who judge ... I don't care ... your thoughts are your thoughts ... my pain is my pain ... and my recovery is just that ..... My Recovery!
Find your own brand of recovery ........ I am finding mine.
